Okay, so finally updating about the summer. Well you all already know I’m now living on my own, blah blah blah. You’ve already heard it all… living with Tyler and Shane. Wait, what was that? Who’s Shane? Well that’s what my update is going to be all about. Our first pick at our third roommate is no longer living here, and because I respect his privacy, I’m not going to use his name (quite honestly, I’m only doing that because if he reads this, I don’t wanna hear him bitch about me talking about him, so there ya go.) So. I guess I shall start.
Now before I do this, I just want to put out there, that I am in no way going to make this sound worse for him, better for me, etc. Like the title says, this is going to be the truth. And hopefully, if our “ex-roommate” reads this, it’ll hopefully finally occur to him in his slightly comatose brain, that Tyler and I are, in fact, right in this argument that I’m about to tell you about.
So: Almost exactly two months ago, on the evening of July 21st, I got a text message that started this whole thing. I know this, because I’ve saved EVERY SINGLE text message since this argument exactly for this reason. So that I could, in fact, put the truth out there for everyone (hopefully including him) to see. Anyways, I got a text message. Now, I’m going to type up the conversation, followed by a description of what the fuck was going on:
Him – Hey what are you up to?
Me – We’re at KOP at the moment. Why? What’s going on?
Him – Oh I was just wondering… When you guys gonna be back?
Small talk continues until:
Him – Hey I brought Borat for everyone to watch could I have your permission to temporarily move the DVD player down to the basement so we can watch it later tonight?
Me- You’re gonna need an extension cord to connect the TV. I totally forgot that until just now. The one that was connected to it is now powering the breaker with the fridge on it.
Him – Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?! you guys should really tell me when you change something
Me – Like I said, I only just remembered now. It’s been running our fridge now for the past three weeks. It was either that, or no power to any of our cable, internet, or fridge… And considering no one uses that TV, as we have just exemplified for the past few weeks now, I didn’t think it was a big deal. Sorry.
Him – You don’t need to get smart… I was just asking that I’m told what you guys do with the house cause I’d like a say in things too.
And there we have it. Issue number one. This was the stupid little argument that started it all. So what was happening, our roommate was planning a party with a bunch of his co-workers. Okay, fine enough. Me and Tyler at the time were down in Philadelphia at KOP and our favorite restaurant in the city, Illuminare (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BTW!) That conversation occurred while we were eating. Basically, it was over a stupid extension cord hooked up to a TV in our basement that NEVER got used. And since we were having a problem with the one circuit breaker always tripping, we decided to try to separate our fridge, and our cable/internet hook up. It worked. So more than obviously, it was better off helping our appliances that are NECESSARY to live, rather than a retarded TV. But either way, he was right. We should have told him that we did it, because he did deserve to have a say in what went on in the house… or did he? (Remember this point for later.)
So anyways, when we finally got home, instead of “the few people who were coming” like we had been advised, we walked into a house full of at LEAST 20 of his co-workers upstairs, on the first floor, down in the basement… ALL LOUD AT 1:00AM. So naturally I was upset, not only because the lease had been broken by over 17ish people, but also we could have definitely been cited for disturbing the peace or whatever the fuck it is when you’re overly loud past 9pm. We were nice… we told them they needed to be quiet. So they were, but then there were 3-4 people going in and out of the house every 5 minutes or so to smoke a cigarette… now when you open and close the door to our house you can hear it 4-5 houses down the complex. I know, because during the day, I’d hear a door slam, look out the window, and watch someone up to five houses down get into their car to go somewhere. It’s going on 2AM at this point. So as our ex-roommate slammed the door shut, I finally had it and said something like “YOU NEED TO STOP GOING IN AND OUT AND SLAMMING THE DOOR.” At this point I’m not only pissed off, but surprised the cops hadn’t come yet, which would leave me apartment-less. So in response he screamed at me “why don’t you ask me nicely!?” as if I hadn’t already been WAAY TOO NICE about this whole ordeal. It escalated to me saying “Don’t fuck with me, I’m NOT in the mood, and you don’t want to piss me off right now,” I got a “FUCK YOU!” (might I add VERY loud) and a slammed basement door as he went back down to his guests.
Now so far, who seems to be on the right side of this!? And again, I’m not playing this out to make me look like the good guy… this is what happened, down to the very last text message.
Anyways, the next day me, Tyler, another douche bag that we no longer like because of this who I will also leave nameless, and my sister were in the living room when the ex-roommate came into the house with a few of the people from the party. They went upstairs, did god only knows what, came back down to the laundry room to discover that his laundry was thrown all over the floor by Tyler. Now granted, he shouldn’t have done that, because it was pretty bitchin’ of him, but at the same time, the ex-roommate did this ALL THE TIME. So he made some smart ass comment about “well of course my shit’s all over the floor” to which Tyler quietly and politely replied “I only did to you what you’ve done to me the month we’ve been living here.” The ex-roommate proceeded to flip out, throw the clothing that he had gathered up against one of the living room walls (which might I add was HIGHLY facetious,) get up in Tyler’s face, and shriek about how him and I are “SHIT HEADS TO LIVE WITH.”
Now remember that point where I asked the question of whether or not he should have a say in what went on at the house? Here’s where that comes into play. Now according to the ex-roommate, we’re shit heads to live with. Here’s my proof of why that is incorrect. Collectively, me and Tyler vacuumed, mopped, dusted, did the recycling, ran the dishwasher (which he did make a point in the fact that he didn’t use the dishes, he only killed trees by using paper everything so he didn’t HAVE to clean anything), cleaned the toilets, scrubbed the shower clean, kept the house tidy, cleaned up after his party, took out the trash (which was the ONLY chore we ever asked him to do, and ended up doing ourselves after the trash can would overflow and a disgusting amount). So now I ask you… did he deserve ANY say in what went on around the house!? NO. In my honest opinion, I don’t think so. His defense was that he “cleaned up after himself; ie, he threw away his paper plate/cup/everything after he made himself dinner, he did his own laundry (every other fucking day might I add, putting our one electric bill up FIFTY DOLLARS), and that’s about it. I can guarantee you that his room was never vacuumed once, which is quite disgusting. I let him borrow sunscreen, my cell phone charger when his trashy ass boyfriend of 10 times broke his, I even let them have condoms when they ran out! (though, that’s getting a bit personal, not to mention quite nauseating.) But really now, am I a shit head to live with!? I don’t think so.
After that explosion between him and Tyler, he disappeared, Tyler’s Explorer was suddenly mysteriously keyed (though him or his friends who saw the fight didn’t do it!), and get ready to laugh at this part: LOCKED his room with his stuff in “because he can’t trust us” WITH A KEY ALL THREE OF US HAD. And really, that was that. He used “we better find someone to live with soon, because he’s outta here!” like it was some kind of threat. And after all of this was over, and he finally moved all of his shit out over a month later, he refused to give me his copy of the key. “He was going to give it to Shane.” Problem with that was, I had already given my copy of the house keys to Shane, so quite realistically, he was refusing me my key that I paid for. Oh, just to add in, throughout this entire summer, he had not paid a PENNY as far as the rent.
And with that, I’m finished. I just wanted to get that out after two months of people taking sides on stupid shit. Now I know that everyone who is angry at me along with him is still going to hate me, because what are fatuous friends for, right? And I respect that, but I just wanted everyone to finally read the TRUTH about what has gone on with this whole cataclysm.
Oh, and Lori, or whatever your name is… fuck you for calling me out as the asshole. Up above is the reason why you are, in fact, a benighted saprogenic cunt. Educate yourself on the matter before you go and make assumptions about me “being an asshole.” It was your friend who deserved what he got, not me.
Sorry about that. That’s all. Questions? Comments? ASK ME. Because I will tell you the truth. (I feel inclined to say “I’m Jimmy Bagenstose and I approve this blog entry.”)
On a better note, welcome Shane into our house! You’re an awesome roommate. 
Until next,
Jimmy